Archive for December 2005

From Feminist Thought

December 24, 2005

News headlines (just a few of its kind):

Seven held in Jharkhand gang rape case

Two arrested in Toofan express rape case

Nursing home ownwer arrested in rape case

Dacoit rapes woman on train bound for Mumbai

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape. Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn’t have long hair and women shouldn’t wear short skirts. Women shouldn’t leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn’t dare to get drunk at all.

Instead of that bullshit, how about….

If a woman is drunk, don’t rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don’t rape her.
If a women is drugged and unconscious, don’t rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don’t rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don’t rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you’re still hung up on, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don’t rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don’t rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don’t rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don’t rape her.

If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don’t rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don’t rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching tv, don’t rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don’t rape her.
If your friend thinks it’s okay to rape someone, tell him it’s not, and that he’s not your friend.

If your “friend” tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there’s an unconscious woman upstairs and It’s your turn, don’t rape her, call the police and tell the guy he’s a rapist.

Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it’s not okay to rape someone.
Don’t tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don’t imply that she could have avoided it if she’d only done/not done x.
Don’t imply that it’s in any way her fault.
Don’t let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he “got some” with the drunk girl.
Don’t perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

If you agree, repost it. It’s that important.

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Irksome traits of Men

December 20, 2005
The following are chosen traits of men(no generalization unless specifically mentioned) that irritates me and perhaps all womenfolk of this world. The complete write-up is based on personal observations and is designed to the best of my knowledge. In direct speech for the female readers……

Men who are always in a hurry – Consider your dad, brother, husband, son, etc. who is either working or is a student and who has to leave for his destination say at about 8.30 every morning. His eyes would open to see the morning light (given the deep slumber) at around 7.30. He would laze around bearing in mind that there’s still an hooooooooooour to go, finish ablutions at a snail’s pace, read through every line of the newspaper as though he has all the time in the world. When one or the other member of the family contemplates to go for a bath, that’s when he would realize that its 8am already. Curtain raisers of the real drama….A quarrel breaks out between him and the other and everyone else in the family. Obviously, he manages to bag the bathroom first. After the bath, the ‘searching saga’ begins (generalization here). They would search for everything right from their underpants to their briefcase/bag (given the fact that men never keep anything in its assigned place.) In the process, the house is made a mess, all others (especially the women folk) are expected to leave their own work and are made part of the ‘search team’…..breakfast/coffee is left half eaten. Some obliging men might just gulp it (the breakfast) down through their jaws, pump it right through the esophagus until they completely choke in the stomach…..In the midst of all the hustle-bustle, some fuming looks at you as though you were responsible for their present plight….One common feature are verbal outbursts like, “nobody in this damn world understands that I have to reach office in time….there is no co-operation at all….” Some extreme lines could be, “I am born into the most disgusting family….what if I lose my job due my regular late attendance?….blah….blah….”

Men who make small talks – Consider this guy in your school/college/workplace who likes a girl, like he flips for her at the first sight and wants to know more about her. After doing some initial research work about the girl’s background etc, (which I feel is good to do) he would indulge into really petty/small talks. Suppose he meets this girl at a common friend’s place, or at a party. Instead of making some sensible moves at her (like complimenting her or throwing some suggestive statements), he would try all the stunts, which are like the done-to-death debris in the world. “So what are your hobbies? How do you know so n so?” (referring to the common friend) With these questions and many more, the conversation is sure to be a verrry boring one and the dame obviously doesn’t find him interesting (even if he is, otherwise). I mean I fail to understand one thing about you guys. You have been like dying to get a chance to meet her and now when your stars have been good to you and you are also introduced to her free of cost, all you do is stare, stammer and end up making small talks. I mean what in the world abstains you guys from asking her out or asking her to dance/dine with you or from displaying your Great sense of humour (which most of you are good at). At least you are expected to strike up an interesting conversation.

Men who are basically Chauvinists but try to ‘make believe’ they are not – This is an instance from my personal life. It’s about this guy whom I am acquainted to for quite some time now. In the midst of a conversation, he starts to tease me about some ‘dumb act’ of mine. I just retort with a “fuck you”and giggle at myself for having done the dumb act. His reaction – nose goes pink in the middle, followed by statements like, “hello! Do u remember you are a girl?….what did you just say?….abusing doesn’t look good on a girl…..blah…blah.” Some guys even begin to sermonize about ‘Indian culture’, etc. Wonder what happens to these preachers when they themselves abuse in all possible languages/dialects, watch porn movies, etc. And when I defend myself to say, “I just abused, I didn’t mean it, why are acting like a chauvinist?” his reply sucks further, “Am not being a chauvinist, am saying coz I care for you, people wont like it if they know you abuse.” Why do you guys always want to hear girls mouthing sweetly, sugarcoated words? What tickles your ass if your female friend watches a porn movie? Unable to digest this guy’s reaction the only two words that came to my mind were, “FUCK OFF!”(Yet again…..)

Men who pretend they haven’t got the ‘clue’ – Consider any one of your male friends. You like him for some reason and you make some deliberate moves with your expert verbal connotations. Out comes the dumbest question on earth, “Did you just make a move at me?…..was it just a suggestion?…..Do you fantasize me?” I mean am sure such guys are entirely aware that you just made a move, and that you find him ‘your type of guy’ but they cant abstain themselves from posing like an innocent baby who’s just toddled out of the mother’s womb. Don’t they understand that they are expected NOT to make things so obvious?

Ringtones or threatening calls?!

December 9, 2005

My sister’s husband works with Yahoo Inc., India, the Mobile division to be precise. Yesterday, a talk with him about his job, revealed some really fascinating stuff. He’s part of the team that creates new and innovative ring tones for yours, mine and everybody else’s mobile phones. When I surfed through some of the latest tones on his mobile, what interested me was not the much hackneyed bollywood masala tones and NO! Certainly not the baby giggles, bird chirps or the Bugs Bunny guttural.

I rather came across this very bizarre polyphonic ring tone (customized for a male customer), which went something like this:

Voice of a little girl, “Uncle! Please phone uthao, jaldi uthao, varna mera doggy aapko kaatega!”And then the periodic barks of a dog…..Super!! And if you didn’t find this sufficiently wacky, here’s the masterpiece –

Voice of a young Lady, “Eh! jaldi fone uthao, varna mein sabse kehdoongi ki mein tumhare bachche ki maa banne waali hun…..”hahahah…..Truely bizarre & threatening enuf!….isnt it?!

The Poet’s Song

December 8, 2005

The rain had fallen, the poet arose,
He passed by the town & out of the street,
A light wind blew from the gates of the Sun,
And waves of shadow went over the Wheat,
And he sat him down in a lonely place,
Chanted a melody loud & sweet,
That made the wild swan pause in her cloud,
And the Lark drop down at his feet,
The Swallow stop as he hunted the fly,
The snake slip under a spray,
The wild Hawk stood with the Swan on his beak,
And stared with his foot on the prey,
Whilst the Nightingale thought –
“I have sung many songs,
But never one so gay,
For he sings of what the world would be,
When the years have died away.”

— Tennyson

‘Aunty’ Marketing

December 5, 2005
Gujarat is a very affluent state of India and people of Gujarat are known for their business tactics and marketing strategies. Here is an example of one such desi marketing/sales strategy that no ‘kotler’ or ‘Wolfe’ would have ever thought of or administered in their numerous years of research.
A number of Kiranas(general/grocery stores) can be spotted in the much warped, distorted lanes and by-lanes of districts like Vapi, Valsad, Amreli, etc. One commonality amongst these kiranas is the fact that they are all made of aluminium roofs, are unkempt, are faced with spatial problems and portray a rather rickety picture. But of course! how could I forget, The ‘Aunty’?!
Since most of these kiranas are family ventures, the galla(cash counter) is generally managed by a woman, invariably the eldest member of the family, in other words, the Baah(grandmom) – the Protagonist in this story. This lady is perpetually seated on a cushioned chair( a recliner), is clad in a shiffon saree draped in the Gujarati style. While most of us take her to be the naive-looking-cashcounter-aunty, she turns out to be an unbeaten sales women at the end of the day. Ask me how?…..read the example below….
Suppose you are a young man/woman, say anywhere between 20-40 years of age.
Scene I
You enter the kirana to purchase some pre-decided grocery. The boys at the store help you collect all that you want. Making sure you have got all that you wanted, you proceed towards the cash-counter.
SCENE II – Enter Character ‘Aunty’….
Aunty: Beta, aur kuch lena hai? bread ? Jam? theplaa?(a gujarati delicacy), papad vageraa….??
You: Nahi aunty, bas…

Aunty(glancing at you with a motherly look), “Aaj sunday hai, thepla khao….Abhi ekdam ‘fresss’ aaya hai…naya flavour hai….”

You are about to reiterate that you dont want it….
Aunty: (Instructing the store boy to get the thepla packet), “Tum khake toh dekho,taste toh karo, acha nahi lagaa toh math lena, koi vaanda nahi.”
You: nahi chahiye aunty, baahar ka khaana manaa hai….
Aunty: (breaking open a pack, pinching a piece, lets you taste the theplaa), “Arre homemade hai, baahar ka nahi hai, bachchon ko bohot acha lagega, thikha-meetha dono hai naa, isliye….mera beta bhi tumhaare jitna hi hoga, Ahmedabad rehta hai naa, jab bhi idhar aata hai, hamesha bachchon ke liye le jaata hai, meri bahu ko bhi bohot pasand hai…..blah….blah……”
With this and many more mollycoddling lines of seeming concern and affection, ‘aunty’ does her job with ease and by this time you are already into the ‘trap’ hypnotized by her talk.
So you ultimately walk out of the store, buying a couple of theplaa packets along with your grocery. This is not all….If you are one of those cant-say-no-with-a-stern-face kinda person, ‘aunty’ is sure to add a lot many more stuff from the store shelf to your grocery bag.
Heard of Direct, Indirect, Ambush, surrogate, etc??? Now, thats what I call – ‘AUNTY’ MARKETING!!